To My Quite Sick Self

Dear Pre-Forgetful Girl,

You probably don't feel like reading right now. Actually, you probably feel like crawling into a very, very quiet and dark cave and sleeping for a thousand years and hope that when you awake you'll emerge from that cave all shiny and new and better.

I can tell you that isn't going to happen. No matter how much you'll spend the next few weeks sleeping, you won't get better. You won't be going back to university just yet. Yes, you'll have to leave university twice. Other people with glandular fever will recover, will get over and get back to their life. You won't. You'll spend the next few months feeling like a zombie. Luckily, you won't remember those painful months. You won't remember being forced out of bed to go downstairs and nap on the sofa. You won't remember being told to eat. You won't remember the times your mum had to feed you, or help you brush your teeth and wash your hair. Over the next few months you will smell. Showering will be an effort. A marathon, even. You won't leave the house, except for going to the doctors and the odd car ride with your parents. You won't be able to talk. Your throat will feel as if your tonsils have been replaced with razorblades. You'll feel heavy painful pressure where your glands are. Did I mention you will just sleep all the time?

Did I mention you'll barely remember this?

Two years filled with fatigue and pain will pass. Two years is a long time. In those two years you'll get a diagnosis that makes sense to you, but not to some family and friends. You'll lose some friends, but you'll appreciate the friendships that somehow become stronger, even though you feel weaker. You will feel stronger. You'll be able to read a book. but may not be able to remember it when you finish the last page. Strong enough to go back to university. You will be told to leave, but you'll come back the following year not only stronger, but more able. You'll get support at university. You'll get another diagnosis, but you'll be in more pain.

You will graduate. You will start to learn to drive. You may not be your old self. You may not have recovered, but you will learn to adapt. You may never be 'post Forgetful Girl'.

Did I mention you will graduate?

Love,

Forgetful Girl